Konan's Diary: What is Missing
by MistyxKisame
Summary: Sequel to Zetsu's Diary. Pein is bored one day & stumbles upon Konan's diary. Chaos will ensure and secrets will be revealed. Meanwhile the Akatsuki's stuff is going missing. Will they ever be found? Tune in to find out!
1. Konan's Diary

Pein was one depressed leader today. Konan, of all people, was having the time of her life by requesting a "girls night out" for herself. This meant 1 whole night without her rubbing his feet, plotting against that perverted bastard Jiraiya, listening to Hidan humping his pillow like fat fanboy with a tiny baby dick humping a pillow with a "hot" picture of an anime girl that was WAY too old or young for him, or evening hearing the rare sound of Itachi taking a shit. There was not one person in the entire hideout he wanted to hang out with & even if he did they were busy.

Kakuzu was on a bounty mission with his little brats in the Grass country (they were now 8 in plant years), Kisame & his newborn son were taking "Mommy & Me" classes & Zetsu was getting it on tape so he had that to look forward to, Deidara & Sasori were on a mission, Itachi was on a mission, & Tobi was...he had no clue. So all in all, there was nothing to do. He could patiently wait until Itachi had to go shit & stare through the key hole but it wouldnt be the same. Sighing Pein decided to look through Konan's stuff until she came home. As he rummaged through her stuff, he found nothing of interest (although the orange dildo did surprise him a bit) until he stumbled upon a purple diary. He smirked & started reading.

Dear Diary: That retard Tobi came in my room with mud all over his shoes asking if he could borrow a sock for Deidara. Stupid bastard, always trying to get some pussy. That was his idea of a pickup line to fuck him. Last week it was "I'm tried of this shit, suck my dick!" in a deep manly voice. I was like "What?" & his voice got back annoying & said "Nothing Miss Konan" & left. Ever since then he's been saying extremely lame & stupid pick up lines or just saying something just so that I'll do something that makes me do let him stare at my body. Dumb ass should know I love only one man & that's...oh Pein wants something. Later!

"DAMN MY NEEDS!" shouted Pein. 


	2. The Stink Bomb

What's up everyone? I'm back and ready to give you more of Konan's Diary! Someone pointed out to me something about chapter 2 that made me feel a little foolish, so I corrected it. Here's another diary entry from Konan.

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**_Dear Diary: Today was a horrible day. Why? Oh no reason…except Deidara's retarded ass planted a stink bomb in the refrigerator that went off when I went to get eggs out of it. I asked his stupid ass "WHAT THE FUCK IS YOUR PROBLEM, BLONDIE?!" Then he said the dumbest thing in the history of ever... "I forgot I put it in there."_**

**_Let's just say Deidara is in the hospital wing, suffering from paper cuts and minor burns. That shit head has pissed me off in more ways than one since he's gotten here. Why didn't Orochimaru stay in the Akatsuki? He just had to go run off and experiment on people, didn't he? Dumb motherfucker…_**

**_Anyways, the whole base smells like rotten eggs, shit, and ass…it smells worse than that body Zetsu left under the sofa and forgot about for three whole weeks. Nagato sent out all of the members to go and hunt some fruit, air freshener, disinfectant spray, and anything that could (and would) get rid of the stink. Thank god I didn't stand directly in front of the refrigerator when the bomb went off, but I can't say the same for Itachi. The poor thing got kicked out of Kisame and his room because he smelled so bad. I don't blame Kisame for doing it though. I would have done the same thing, despite the fact that I have to face those famous red eyes. _**

**_I guess Tobi felt bad for him, so he let Itachi live in his extra closet. Itachi was not a happy camper in that closet because a few hours afterwards Itachi gave Kisame a gas mask and told him to bear with it. I later learned through Zetsu that Tobi had always wanted a dog, so when he found out that Kisame had kicked out Itachi and he had nowhere to go, Tobi went out and bought dog stuff while Itachi was sleeping on Tobi's bed and then dressed him up in doggy clothes. Tobi is in the hospital wing right now with no hair. And all this happened in one day…_**

**_Well that's all for today. I hope this stench goes away, though it probably won't. When that bastard Deidara gets out of the infirmary, he's on toilet duty for the next three weeks. Looks like I'm going to have to find a recipe that does a really good job leaving hard to get out shit stains…MWAHAHAHA! NOBODY MESSES WITH KONAN!_**

**_Dear Diary: The smell is still here. Nagato came to me and told me that the only way to get rid of the smell is to air out the hideout. This could be dangerous since someone could sneak in through a window. We had no choice though…We opened up all of the windows and made sure to check each room with someone just in case. Because the kitchen still reeked of that damn stink bomb, it was hard to cook breakfast today. We just went out and bought hamburgers for everyone…except Sasori…piece of shit…he used up all the shampoo and soap to clean his damn puppets. WHY DOESN'T CLEAN THEM OFF WITH PINE SCENTED WOOD CLEANING STUFF HE ALWAYS USES!?_**

**_Anyway, Nagato and I decided to go out for dango today. He wanted to go in his own body, so I let him, but truth be told, I was a little worried. Nagato isn't weak or anything, but I was afraid that someone would attack him and mess up his handsome little face. I know it's a silly thought since he's the strongest person I know, but I'd rather he take Pein instead. If Pein's face got messed up, he's got some more Peins in the office. _**

**_Nagato and I had a pretty good time until Nagato pointed out that Tobi was following us. I swear to kami-sama that fool is going to get fucked up one day…wait…he DID get fucked up by Itachi. Why was he out of the infirmary? Whatever he was doing, I was no longer having a good time. After about ten minutes, I wanted to go home. Nagato said that he understood, but I think I may have hurt his feelings a little since we had only been out for a couple of minutes and we also had very little time together with him running the akatsuki. Tobi just had to be there! _**

**_Maybe tomorrow will be a better day. I'll have to make it up to Nagato when we have some free time. I really care about his happiness. I don't know when our next break is, but I HAVE to make this up to Nagato._**

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And that's it for Konan's Diary. Sasori's diary will be coming out soon and it will feature puppet smex as as requested. I'm not really sure which time period it should be based in (like his teenage years, pre-shippuden, or shippuden). If it's his teenage years/pre-shippuden, it will feature Hiruko x Sasori and OrochiSaso, and if it's Shippuden, it's going to be OrochiSaso. You decide cuz I forgot who asked for this story…*laughs nervously*Really! I did! Anyway, if you have any ideas for the story go ahead and suggest something (remember that this story is based off of Zetsu's Diary). I just might put it in. The next chapter will be out soon after I add another chapter to my KisaIta story.


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